17/11/12 by tonyrae  

Some recently wrote: DEDICATION TO GOD – FOR GIVING ME WINGS TO FLY ABOVE THE STORM! (When depression & anxiety get to be too much and the Love of God transcends me to a higher place.)

16/11/12 - DEDICATION TO GOD – FOR GIVING ME WINGS TO FLY ABOVE THE STORM! (When depression & anxiety get to be too much and the Love of God transcends me to a higher place.) Today, I'm finding it really tough Lord; just want to yell at the world and tell everyone in it what I think of them, then to quietly slink away and retreat into the shadows unnoticed, undetected. Just wish nobody knew me or of me, then I could rest in that quiet, with no demands placed on me, not even by myself. Lord, this is not freedom! This is not Life! It's not even 'being.' I want to be honest with you here in this quiet Lord, where it's just you and me. For you alone understand. Others try, but they're not You. I'm spent Lord. I’ve nothing left to give. I feel like I’m sitting in an empty, feelingless, alone, void. Oh, to have the company of another human being who would be willing to just sit with me, in the silence; and, to listen if I chose to talk. A rare person indeed Lord. One to accept me as I am and not try and solve my problems, but to truly hear me and allow me the freedom to fully express myself. I pine for such one as this Lord. Meanwhile, Lord, I need your help. I’ve hung onto my burdens far too long now and their weight has not been kind to me. I feel so lost in life Lord. And I'm beginning to feel scared, yet the only thing that stops me from being totally afraid is knowing I can come to you and that you are there for me. Please help me Lord. Your Word says, 'Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!' Fill me anew. My hope is in you alone. Nothing else will do it for me. I've tried it all over the years, going all, every which way, trying to find my path in life. It works for a while and it even feels right, but then, I come crashing down into an even emptier place then I was in before. Lord, I want to be able to say, 'I possess a new inner confidence and a powerfully positive perspective on life' and feel it intimately alive in me, radiant and vibrant and in full union and fellowship with Jesus Christ, who is as one with the Father. I want to shout it out, 'I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.' (Psalm 119:30-32). That's my deep, deep cry Lord, I want my heart to feel this freedom. I’m desperate to feel it as being so real to me. The Apostle Paul said, 'Let your roots grow down deep into Christ.' He expressed the importance of knowing Christ and finding satisfaction and security in Christ alone; he encouraged the Colossians to live boldly and confidently in Christ. All over my walls at home Lord, and in my journals I've got scriptures quoted to constantly remind me of my identity as God's child and as Jesus' friend, yet I still live under this dark cloud most days. On one hand I am offered Life through a faith in Jesus Christ, and on the other, this life is taken from me, I am being robbed of it. It's like, every time I go to step out from underneath anxiety or depression to live my life confidently for you, something pushes me back. One of the posters I have up on the wall in my room quotes the heading 'Never, Never quit', along with the Philippians 3:13-14 scripture, 'Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' You know, despite how depression and anxiety crush me at times, I have times like now, as I am journaling my thoughts, I am reminded who God is, His grandeur, His majesty, His sacrifice of His Son on the cross to save me, and in this time, right now, I feel strong, I actually feel free in my heart, I feel as one with Christ Jesus, my King and my glory, and all seems well in my world again. Tears express my gratitude. I feel lifted up and set on high in heavenly places, seated next to God the Father and His Son. I feel as though I'm in my rightful place there, where I was and am meant to be all along. I guess here, right now, I'm giving my heart permission to feel what it's feeling and it’s joyously being received by you Lord, as it is sent, real and honest, vulnerable yes, but I know I am safe in doing so, held in the arms of Jesus as I write it. Who better to understand my inner raging battle, then the One who gave up His Son to save me. Will I ever fathom the depth of His true love for me? I think not, not this side of heaven anyway. Yet it was His love for me that took Him to the cross in my place, so I could be put back in a right relationship with God, which I expect is what I am experiencing right now in this moment. I feel the love of Christ flowing through me and the strong presence of God here with me. This is where words fail, and truth begins. Praise Him and may His Name alone be glorified and lifted up. Son of God – Emmanuel – the Christ – Saviour of the world. Amen. Let us forever adore Him. Postscript – an afterthought. Maybe I need to be grateful for the presence of anxiety and depression in my life, because, if I were not burdened by their torment, then I fear I would not cry out to Jesus, nor then know Him in my heart. Therefore, despite the storm, He gives me wings to fly above it, but only through Him. We do it TOGETHER. Amen.